God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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