East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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