I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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