Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He kissed a someone with a penis
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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