were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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