im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
