i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
