I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
