Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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