do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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