if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
