She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
