Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
