Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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