I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The air was thick with penises
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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