I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
