we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
