well most of my day revolves around power hour
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
