maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
