She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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