i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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