Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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