Me too!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
