im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize