I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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