I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Randomize
