dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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