so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
