some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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