u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
