She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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