guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
