he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize