I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
