OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
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