Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
