my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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