They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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