I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
