you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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