my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
