I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
