Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
