well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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