ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i may or may not be watching the land before time
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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