Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
