I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
