You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
