This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How does one acquire holy water?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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