OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
even my farts smell like vagina
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize