and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I skipped work to stalk him.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you mean i was at the winter classic?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
