she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
