i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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