Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
