I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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