I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize