Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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