i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
