dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize