I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
