He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
