Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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