Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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