I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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