C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
