nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
