Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
