fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
